LAST to THIS Time :)

LAST TIME...

I was synthetic about my thoughts. I kept on pretending that I was strong; but behind all the uttered fierce words is a weak heart that silently cries in the corner.

I usually walked out and ran away when things aren't going my way – leaving it unsolved and as it is.

I used to count on the mistakes of other people and treating those as their trademark. I was not a perfectionist. I was merely inconsiderate.

I was up to what I can get. I don't care what other people would feel nor say about me, just as long as I get what I want.

I was heartless. I was rude. I was foolish. I was numb. I was just good to those people who are also good to me.

I normally stick to the present. I didn't mind what's heading after me.

I Love Yous, I Miss Yous, I Cherish Yous were the words I usually struggled for.

Last time... It was him.

THIS TIME...

I will be true. Not just with the way I feel but also to those people whom I know will always be there for me. There's no need for me to pretend. I will not be afraid to cry in front of the hostil critics. Being frustrated and in pain is hard but I realized, it's far harder when you just keep it to yourself. I'll be open to every happy opportunities that's waiting for me. Happiness will find me.

I'll strongly face my problems and I'll draw myself closer to God. He knows everything and I believe that He answers my prayers even before I ask for it.

I'll be more understanding. Considerations will now be a part of my tradition.

I will be looking forward to what I can give rather than focusing on what I can get. I will still not be a fan of creating a good corporate image; all I want to furnish right now is to be sincere. I'll bear in mind that everything you ask for will be yours; conversely, it is just a matter of time. Patience will be test this time and of course, the future depends on what I bring to it.

I will be sweeter. I'll be more loving, more caring and compassionate. I swear I'll be giving and more forgiving.

I'll keep an eye not just with what I have today; but more importantly, I'll be more cautious and concerned with what I will be in the years to come.

I Love Yous, I Miss Yous, I Cherish Yous and all of the other three-worded-sweet-phrases will be the words I'll be fighting for.

This time... It is still him :(

P.S. But I believe, someone's heart was meticulously sculptured by God to pair with mine. I'll wait for him no matter what.

GODSPEED!

Yawyaw 105

"Now I made it through the weather; BETTER days are gonna get BETTER."

I don't have to fool myself. There's no need for me to do it. Nine days to go, and it's already one month since we broke up; but it feels like it was just yesterday since we parted. It still pains me. Seems like pain and frustration has always been my companion.

I kept telling myself to open up my eyes and realize to love and value myself even more. FOCUS on the things that make me happy and make a new concept of genuine happiness. Happiness that is way better than those memories and laughters we once shared. I know, in God's time, everything will be fine. I will be fine. I don't have to question why God did this to me. Cge lang, I will still continue to pray. Pray for him and for me.

Just when I thought that I was done scraping all the tears I had, it was also then that I realized, all tears shed were still not enough. It was too late for me to realize how foolish I am. Too late for me since he's not there anymore.

I can't stop crying now. Big thanks to Cherry, Kuya Pierce and Rolyn Jane for the comfort and advices. To Japhet also, for teasing me a hundredfold.

Tears :(

MOVING ON

No more rooms for softness. No more rooms for pains and hard feelings. No more rooms for hopes and chances. No more rooms for tears. No more rooms for sympathies. No more wounds, only scars. It's a high time for me to move on and leave the past – sweet and bitter past behind.

I swear this will be the last time I'll be making a post about you. I swear I'll forget everything about you. I swear I cherished everything we've been through. I was wounded. I was hurt. I was left barely breathing. I was broken.

You're still a part of me. A part of my history. A part of my once wounded heart. I thank you for everything. For making me strong and for giving me the courage to go on with my life without you. It hurts. It was hard. Really hard. But I have to be strong because I know that there are perfect things waiting for me out there – things that are worth of who I am and what I am capable of doing. Perfect things that will still remain perfect despite of my insufficiencies.

Losing you was a great torment. But I have to move on. I need to move on. I have to fasten my seat belt and take the flight for a brighter tomorrow. Thank you for the pain.

Stand firm, be happy, grow, move on, practicality, for a better me.

Letter with ♥

To my future boyfriend:

What took you so long to finally found me? I've been waiting for you for the longest time and I've been stuck here, longing for you. How I wish you're here beside me, to comfort me and give warm to my ever tedious winter season. How I wish you're hear, ready to pick up the pieces of me. How I wish to hug you with all my might, making you feel how much I love you and how lucky I am to have you. How I wish to have you here with me soon. How I wish to have all these wishes come true.

Despite that, I'll be right here waiting for you. Just waiting for you. Only you. I swear I'll be waiting for you tirelessly. I swear I'll be sweeter and more caring. I'll be a good girl and I promise to take care of you better than you can. I will love you for the rest of my life and I promise you will only be my one and only.

We'll laugh through all our ups and we'll still stand through all our downs. We'll both raise our glasses up through all our victories and tragedies. We'll be happy and we'll make our relationship ever colorful and stronger each day.

I'll wait for you. I swear I will not do anything that'll break my vow. This I promise you.

Your future girlfriend,

Lycel :)