For the nth time

October 8, 2011 – 3:51am

Never had I imagined that by JUST reading through the lyrics of Goodbye by Iyaz, which Cherry had recently posted on my wall would make me weep again – weep for the nth time.

It's terrible how everytime memories of him crosses my mind, a tear or two would simply run through my cheeks, only then that I realized, I'm crying again – crying for the nth time.

Awful as it may sounds, but believe me, when I got to see familiar places, familiar foods, familiar acts, familiar shirts and scents, I would simply kneel, hold back and sought that I'm reminiscing again. Grasping and taking few glimpses again to that sweet, sweet past – recalling those seemingly unending times for the nth time.

Life is but unfair. How could that love fade so swiftly? Why do I miss him this badly? When in fact, at this very hour, he is fast asleep, with no other thoughts in mind but that system of him and maybe, just maybe, that girl he was blissfully talking about.

He's making it really, really hard for me. Texting him, seeing him around, hearing his voice and yells, seemed to drown me with so much pain – enveloping me with so much agony for the nth time. Though I salute myself how I happily approved and gave him advice with his lovelife-to-be, I was, for the nth time, fooling myself and pretending that I was fine.

The fact that I still miss him, did not hinder me to said those. I know what I feel. I know how to be matured now and this time, I know I was right when I uttered those words. Those seemingly jovial words for him; but appeared as a dagger to me, slowly slashing my already wounded heart, never ceases, until I expire.

STUPID! How I love to finally come to my senses now. When will that ever be?