Tuesday, August 28, 2012

A Woman's Question

Do you know you have asked for the costliest thing
Ever made by the hand above--
A woman's heart, and a woman's life
And a woman's wonderful love?
Do you know you have asked for this priceless thing
As a child might ask for a toy,
Demanding what others have died to win,
With the reckless dash of a boy?
You have written my lesson of duty out,
Man-like you have questioned me;
Now stand at the bar of my woman's soul
Until I shall question thee.
You require your mutton shall always be hot,
Your socks and your shirt be whole;
I require your heart to be true as God's stars,
And as pure as heaven your soul.
You require a cook for your mutton and beef;
I require a far better thing.
A seamstress you're wanting for socks and shirts;
I look for a man and a king.
A king for the beautiful realm called home,
And a man that the maker, God,
Shall look upon as he did the first
And say, "It is very good."
I am fair and young, but the rose will fade
From my soft, young cheek one day,
Will you love me then 'mid the falling leaves,
As you did 'mid the bloom of May?
Is your heart an ocean so strong and deep,
I may launch my all on its tide?
A loving woman finds heaven or hell
On the day she is made a bride.
I require all things that are grand and true,
All things that a man should be;
If you give all this, I would stake my life
To be all you demand of me.
If you cannot do this -- a laundress and cook
You can hire, with little to pay,
But a woman's heart and a woman's life
Are not to be won that way.
*This is a poem entitled A Woman's Question by Lena Lathrop. I have read this several times already. I just feel like posting it here because it makes me shiver and gets me inspired everytime. Enjoy reading :) 

Monday, August 27, 2012

Thy will be done

I should've invited him to come over Karla's house for our feasib overnight. I should've invited him to go to church the next day. But then it all happened just when I least expect it. Really. The love stage is one tough arena and I can honestly say that I failed again. Yes, I love him since day one. But if love means to let go, then be it.

Oh well, this stinging pain engrossed me again – almost same time, same reason, same downfall. I don't know why August came to me as bad as before. But one thing is for sure, I was willing and I strove hard to change my treatment and attitude towards him. As far as a business student is concerned, I did not want to risk my heart for a midget possibility that everything will be restored to life. Although bearing that, I still took the risk. I did tried. I partly changed; but, efforts were taken for granted right from the start and instead of regaining his eagerness, I was reaping his even colder treatment.

I kept on telling myself not to be disappointed because for the last few days, I know did my share – even if he cannot appreciate it. It's like one step forward and two steps back because everything I do makes him mad and an increasing cold treatment is at stake. I do not fully understand; but all I can do is to understand the situation the way he wants me to. And that the only remedy is the painful space – hoping so much we could work it out through apart yet too much afraid if the feelings for each other wouldn't be there anymore after some time. To God be the glory. *Sigh*

Sometimes I wish I could tell him how I dearly love and missed him. To tell him that I am utmost willing to change – even if he was already so sick of that line. I wish I could text him but I was afraid if he won't reply and was even more afraid if eventually he'll tell me likes someone else...just like before. I'm scared of the heartache I could possibly get. I'm scared because I was not certain of his response. I'm not prepared enough for history to repeat itself. But what makes me survive up to this moment is my heart – not literally beating; but my heart with the existence of deep thoughts I never envisioned could be found. I realized not to force myself and settle with someone who cannot settle with me and cannot found happiness with me anymore.

I hope this space made him happy.

I love him since day one. But if love means to let go, then be it – just keeping the agony within me.

Monday, August 6, 2012

Ika-anim ng Agosto, ng taong kasalukuyan. Wala ng mas makabuluhan at hihigit pa sa araw na'to. Maliban sa masayang pamamasyal sa samu't-saring sites na hatid ng internet, sa malugod na pakikisama ng dysmenorrhea, sa naunang pagsuot ng sneakers bago ang skinny jeans, sa naiwang susi sa kabila ng isang naka-lock na pinto, sa 'di nakakapagod na apat na oras na paghihintay bago ang masigla at walang kayamot-yamot na Tax class, wow! Ang galing-galing! Ang saya-saya! Wala na'kong ibang mahihiling pa. Sarap mabuhay! Dahil dyan, nararapat sa'yo ang isang masigabong clap-clap.

Sa kabila ng lahat, isang malugod na 'thank you' para sa'king mahal, minamahal at mamahalin. Salamat sa tatlong mefenamic acid at Jollibee lunch treat. 'Di mo natatanong, laking tulong ng presensya mo sa napaka-masigasig na araw ko.

Pag-ibig. Pag-ibig. Pag-ibig.