Monday, October 15, 2012

Sentido Kumon Kapatid!

Sino ka ba para makapang-husga't makapang-dikta? Diyos ka ba ha? Diyos ka ba?

Gustohin ko mang manahimik sa lahat ng kabi-kabilang pang-aalipusta, ngunit pagod na akong magpaka-bingi't pipi sa lahat ng mga batikos at maaanghang niyong salita.

Ganyan na ba kabagot ang buhay niyo't pati buhay ko'y pinag-uusapan niyo? Ganyan na ba ka-interesado ang buhay ko't pati mga maliliit na detalye'y pinagkaka-interesan niyo?

Para sa inyong kaalaman, MASAYA at KONTENTO ako sa kasulukuyan kong sitwasyon at taos puso kong pinapangalagaan 'to. Matiwasay na sana, eh. Subalit kayo lang! Kayo lang ang bukod-tanging nangenge-alam at gumaganap sa papel ng pinaka-kontribida sa mga pila ng kontrabida sa balat ng mundo.

Napag-desisyonan kong ipursige ang post na'to kasi nasasaktan na'ko. Nasasaktan ako kasi apektado ako sa lahat ng alegasyon nyo. Bagamat ang lahat ng ito'y pawang walang katotohanan, apektado ako kasi ang mga taong mahal ko'y apektado. Lahat ng 'yan ay dahil sa inyo. Pangmumura ba ang paborito niyong laro? Pwes! Mabulok na sanang pagkatao nyo.

Inuulit ko. Sino ka ba? Isa ka ba sa mga nagbasbas sa'kin pagka-silang ko sa mundo? May ideya ka ba sa lahat ng ginagawa't nararamdaman ko minu-minuto? Nilalasap mo bang parehong hanging nilalasap ko? Hawak mo bang kinabukasan ko? Pinagsawaan mo na bang mga pinagsawaan ko? Nanggaling ka na ba sa pinanggalingan ko? Kung hindi, sino ka ba para ipangalandakang ganito-ganyan ako?

Mahabag ka! Pati utak mo'y dinukot na ng polusyon. Mabuti siguro'y, magpa-konsulta ka na sa pinakamalapit na albolaryo.

Pakaantabayan mong karma mo. At lunurin ka sana ng inggit mo.

pero char lang! :D

Thursday, October 11, 2012

So, so you

jmpwfzpv ♥
He was never a head turner nor a hot cutie in our school. He was never a crush ng campus and certainly not my knight in a shining armor. It's a good thing though, that he possessed this fair skin making his beauty to outstood among the bunch of guys he was with in (favoritism. sorry guyst! haha.) I thought he was just another guy. I thought he was rude and not nice. I even thought he was a she. I thought of these thoughts for quite some time, not until the day he dressed in tangerine, swathe with cologne with a fresh from the bed aura came. The next thing I knew, God is already scribbling the sequel of my love story.

Meet Mr. Juan. One who consistently denies that he's using a papaya soap even when he's already made buko by his younger sister two years ago. One who loves to call himself a Ninja, even with his slightly built body and underdeveloped skeletal and muscular system. One who claims his a good cook just when I admitted that I never cooked a day in my entire life. Someone who had an about 10cm long, small bundle of hair, which he carefully bread and locked with that dinky, little pink rubber band. One who gets irritated with the heat of the sun more than I do, but still endures the scorching heat so he can drive me to and fro school. Someone who is an alleged guy but in his pocket lies an Avon pressed powder and honestly said that he flips that because there was not a second that he was not conscious with his looks. Someone whose a little demanding, a little too jealous and yes! Someone who prays once in a while too; especially when he was still an engineering student back in his yesteryears. Someone who uttered a specific prayer, found it effective the moment his Mom bought him a bicycle, repeatedly uttered the same prayer just when he thinks he needs it, and finally! He got no other choice but memorize it. Someone who had a very soft, cotton-like texture hand. One who overly reacts at certain things; yet one who appreciates a lot and even appreciates the things that need not to be appreciated. Someone whose very eager to read a blog entry about him. Haha. Someone who told me that his only fear is being caught by a policeman because he's yet to acquire his driver's license but eventually parks at the side because he's afraid of the huge ceres bus behind us; who bravely confessed that he once dreamt of being an employee at either Jollibee Foods Corporation or Lee Super Plaza, even after receiving his bachelor's degree. One whose very onion-skinned – crying over a silly dream just like a baby crying over a spilled milk. One whose destined to conquer my heart. 

So it's you. Little by little, Mr. Juan's mysteriousness is revealed without him knowing that he gets me surprised and amazed everytime. His sweetness just flows naturally and everyday, he cuddles me with sweet thoughts, which lately I concluded, were just another castles of clouds. On the other hand, it seems as though every inch of him is exquisitely dainty that you'd thought, a single touch would break him. No wonder, Bethlyn, his younger sister, my bestfriend, reminded me to handle him with utmost care. (No problem bespren, you can count on me. Haha.) He's sorry for the things he's not accountable of. He'll thank me for no reason, he'll tell me he's so proud of me and tirelessly tells me that he needs, misses and loves me. He's just so gay, so childish, so funny, so talkative, so crazy, yet so cute, so sweet, so adorable, so loving, so caring and I just can't help but fell in love with him the more. God! Oh God. How could You let me love everything about him?

My only fear, however, is when a time will come that a woman with nine months inside would knock at my door and tell me that you're the father of the life she's been carrying. Kidding! Haha. Rephrase: My only fear  is when you would get away with me, as swiftly as how you came to me; when you would tell me you fell out of love with me as quickly as when you said you fell in love with me. Although bearing my wildest imaginations, three things are real sure: I'll fall in love with you everyday, I'll never get exhausted of saying "I love you" even if you'll get sick of that phrase and that nothing and no one would make me love you less.

To Jesse, with love. For our third weeksary – Every other day, I heart you.

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

A Woman's Question

Do you know you have asked for the costliest thing
Ever made by the hand above--
A woman's heart, and a woman's life
And a woman's wonderful love?
Do you know you have asked for this priceless thing
As a child might ask for a toy,
Demanding what others have died to win,
With the reckless dash of a boy?
You have written my lesson of duty out,
Man-like you have questioned me;
Now stand at the bar of my woman's soul
Until I shall question thee.
You require your mutton shall always be hot,
Your socks and your shirt be whole;
I require your heart to be true as God's stars,
And as pure as heaven your soul.
You require a cook for your mutton and beef;
I require a far better thing.
A seamstress you're wanting for socks and shirts;
I look for a man and a king.
A king for the beautiful realm called home,
And a man that the maker, God,
Shall look upon as he did the first
And say, "It is very good."
I am fair and young, but the rose will fade
From my soft, young cheek one day,
Will you love me then 'mid the falling leaves,
As you did 'mid the bloom of May?
Is your heart an ocean so strong and deep,
I may launch my all on its tide?
A loving woman finds heaven or hell
On the day she is made a bride.
I require all things that are grand and true,
All things that a man should be;
If you give all this, I would stake my life
To be all you demand of me.
If you cannot do this -- a laundress and cook
You can hire, with little to pay,
But a woman's heart and a woman's life
Are not to be won that way.
*This is a poem entitled A Woman's Question by Lena Lathrop. I have read this several times already. I just feel like posting it here because it makes me shiver and gets me inspired everytime. Enjoy reading :) 

Monday, August 27, 2012

Thy will be done

I should've invited him to come over Karla's house for our feasib overnight. I should've invited him to go to church the next day. But then it all happened just when I least expect it. Really. The love stage is one tough arena and I can honestly say that I failed again. Yes, I love him since day one. But if love means to let go, then be it.

Oh well, this stinging pain engrossed me again – almost same time, same reason, same downfall. I don't know why August came to me as bad as before. But one thing is for sure, I was willing and I strove hard to change my treatment and attitude towards him. As far as a business student is concerned, I did not want to risk my heart for a midget possibility that everything will be restored to life. Although bearing that, I still took the risk. I did tried. I partly changed; but, efforts were taken for granted right from the start and instead of regaining his eagerness, I was reaping his even colder treatment.

I kept on telling myself not to be disappointed because for the last few days, I know did my share – even if he cannot appreciate it. It's like one step forward and two steps back because everything I do makes him mad and an increasing cold treatment is at stake. I do not fully understand; but all I can do is to understand the situation the way he wants me to. And that the only remedy is the painful space – hoping so much we could work it out through apart yet too much afraid if the feelings for each other wouldn't be there anymore after some time. To God be the glory. *Sigh*

Sometimes I wish I could tell him how I dearly love and missed him. To tell him that I am utmost willing to change – even if he was already so sick of that line. I wish I could text him but I was afraid if he won't reply and was even more afraid if eventually he'll tell me likes someone else...just like before. I'm scared of the heartache I could possibly get. I'm scared because I was not certain of his response. I'm not prepared enough for history to repeat itself. But what makes me survive up to this moment is my heart – not literally beating; but my heart with the existence of deep thoughts I never envisioned could be found. I realized not to force myself and settle with someone who cannot settle with me and cannot found happiness with me anymore.

I hope this space made him happy.

I love him since day one. But if love means to let go, then be it – just keeping the agony within me.

Monday, August 6, 2012

Ika-anim ng Agosto, ng taong kasalukuyan. Wala ng mas makabuluhan at hihigit pa sa araw na'to. Maliban sa masayang pamamasyal sa samu't-saring sites na hatid ng internet, sa malugod na pakikisama ng dysmenorrhea, sa naunang pagsuot ng sneakers bago ang skinny jeans, sa naiwang susi sa kabila ng isang naka-lock na pinto, sa 'di nakakapagod na apat na oras na paghihintay bago ang masigla at walang kayamot-yamot na Tax class, wow! Ang galing-galing! Ang saya-saya! Wala na'kong ibang mahihiling pa. Sarap mabuhay! Dahil dyan, nararapat sa'yo ang isang masigabong clap-clap.

Sa kabila ng lahat, isang malugod na 'thank you' para sa'king mahal, minamahal at mamahalin. Salamat sa tatlong mefenamic acid at Jollibee lunch treat. 'Di mo natatanong, laking tulong ng presensya mo sa napaka-masigasig na araw ko.

Pag-ibig. Pag-ibig. Pag-ibig.

Friday, January 20, 2012

Final Wave

One hundred fifty five days had passed. Seconds, hours, dragged my youthfulness but not the frame of my broken heart. Pain and frustrations had always been my companion all throughout those lifeless days. Although I started to live my life the way it should be, I could still, inevitably feel cold but hard whips every time I saw him. Whips that were even harder every moment I saw him blissfully chatting and the like with unfamiliar ladies.

That was just an ordinary day. Gossiping with friends, strolling along the pathway until our feet grew tired, stalking with our crushes – simply busy with nothings. That ordinary day turned unusual as a very familiar number flashed on the screen of my cellular phone. That instant broke my monotonous routine of reading-deleting messages. The word ‘chance’ that surfaced struck me intensely. I reread and reread with my whole soul, making sure that I was not in dreamland that very day. Just then, I came to my senses and concluded that that was real life. The next thing that happened was history.

All right, a circle of friends would laugh at me now. But I still love him – still loving him despite everything. I had no idea why or how, but I just do.

It’s been a while but yes, the feeling was still there. I don’t know when this carved feeling leave the corridors of my fragile heart. Or will it ever leave? I don’t know. Perhaps, I would rather raise the answer to the heavens.

Although I told him the exact opposite of what I truly felt, it didn’t rear much regrets (as expected). Countless reasons are behind that lie but I could only recount here those concrete ones. First, I promise to totally vanish in his life after that time. The wounds are still fresh and the pain is reawakened everytime. Second, I was thinking of what was beyond. I was dreaming of what might be over on the other side of the waves. Would it still be the same? Will love be lovelier the second time around? I bet not. I saw no restraint put upon that asked chance. At once, I wished to cling on to that; but no, the word didn’t promise me something new and wonderful. I saw no signs to believe on that sweet, sweet phrase. I wasn’t even given a reason to hang on. Third, although I love him this much, I thought it was now my time to save myself from further pain. Perhaps, I grew tired of getting my hopes up and then nothing will happen. From then on, never did I wish to suffer again and to wander on the wings of fantasy with high hopes of getting something on the high regions of the unknown. Fourth, those I-will-never-fall-in-love and enough-is-enough lines before will be thrown to dust. And finally, because I believe that I could still be at my best even without the person I wanted the most –this valiant heart, ready to sacrifice even my own happiness. Ridiculous, isn’t it? But believe me; that was for a good cause. I’m wishing him true happiness.